"What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life--to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?"
— George Eliot
Coming soon A Story about Iori's Grandfather
The title of a story is significant.
Iori's grandfather did not die.
Iori's grandfather may or may not be the hero of the story.
However, the story will celebrte a truly wonderful being.
A knowing, caring, doctor, father, grandfather, who often made house calls.
He administered palliative care until the final moment.
PFL, Partners For Life until death do us part.
He and Iori's mom spent the night on futons on either side of Iori's grandma.
We were in a Starbucks in Yokohama. Choking back tears as Chisa recalled the passage of time.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
palliate
Palliative care :
to prevent and relieve suffering and to improve quality of life for people facing serious, complepal·li·ate (pl-t)
tr.v. pal·li·at·ed, pal·li·at·ing, pal·li·ates
1. To make (an offense or crime) seem less serious; extenuate.
2. To make less severe or intense; mitigate: tried unsuccessfully to palliate the widespread discontent.
3. To relieve the symptoms of a disease or disorder.
[Middle English palliaten, from Late Latin pallire, pallit-, to cloak, palliate, from Latin pallium, cloak.]
palli·ation n.
palli·ator n.
Synonyms: palliate, extenuate, gloss1, gloze, whitewash
These verbs mean to cause a fault or offense to seem less grave or less reprehensible: palliate a crime; couldn't extenuate the malfeasance; glossing over an unethical transaction; glozing sins and iniquities; whitewashed official complicity in political extortion. See Also Synonyms at relieve.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.x illness.
IN OTHER WORDS
ameliorate, amend, improve, meliorate, mitigate, better - to make better
to prevent and relieve suffering and to improve quality of life for people facing serious, complepal·li·ate (pl-t)
tr.v. pal·li·at·ed, pal·li·at·ing, pal·li·ates
1. To make (an offense or crime) seem less serious; extenuate.
2. To make less severe or intense; mitigate: tried unsuccessfully to palliate the widespread discontent.
3. To relieve the symptoms of a disease or disorder.
[Middle English palliaten, from Late Latin pallire, pallit-, to cloak, palliate, from Latin pallium, cloak.]
palli·ation n.
palli·ator n.
Synonyms: palliate, extenuate, gloss1, gloze, whitewash
These verbs mean to cause a fault or offense to seem less grave or less reprehensible: palliate a crime; couldn't extenuate the malfeasance; glossing over an unethical transaction; glozing sins and iniquities; whitewashed official complicity in political extortion. See Also Synonyms at relieve.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright ©2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.x illness.
IN OTHER WORDS
ameliorate, amend, improve, meliorate, mitigate, better - to make better
Dying and Death
I shall get permission from this blogger to post some of his entries here. meanwile see http://www.geonius.com/musings/quips.html
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Uncle Tommy's Death
On Wednesday, January 9, 2008 8:51:03 AM Library Girl wrote:
Jayme and i really loved the guy, he actually made had a major impact on my life.
Although I was sober for some time, I was screwed up about alot of things . . completely uptight and unhappy . . .
He truly helped me to lighten up . . . helped me to see how the Catholic Church did a job on me . . . so subtlety, screwed up my wiring. I was so surprised when he told me that he still suffered from the same screwed up ideologies . . . that's where my head was back then. He was a recovering Catholic.
Other people in my family basically made fun of Uncle Tommy . . . they laugh at his odd behaviors and it hurts. It hurt me. It hurt my mother much much more. We simply don't see the humor, knowing how the guy was actually hurting . . . hurting so terribly deep inside . . .
My mom didn't get home until nearly dinner time yesterday. She had a nice relaxing day, as if she had gone to a daytime spa for a manicure/pedicure. After her al-anon meeting she had a visit with the foot doctor. I wanted her to have a good dinner before she got the news and was taken away by the big wave of emotion. I helped cook the chicken. I cooked it the way Uncle Tommy taught me. He's the only one that ever gave me any cooking lessons. He can wash dishes too. Apparently you have to do these things when you are living for days out at sea.
We had just finished dinner, and she got the phone call from your dad, I wasn't fast enough to reach the phone first.
I think he was taken back that she didn't know already - about Tom's death. Believe it or not, I'm actually afraid of your dad - in some odd way. He's one of those pedestal people. I thought it best that he tell her. It's basically a protocol type of thing, yet it also seemed appropriate that the news should come over the phone. news of Tommy often came via the phone.
She said needed to be alone, with thoughts of missing him.
When she was ready, I helped her go through her phone book.
First we called Aunt Mary and then Uncle Jack.
They simply extended their condolences. I expected that from Aunt Mary, but not Uncle Jack.
I think he's been suffering from many health issues himself lately. He sounds tired.
My mom understands that Mary has a way of keeping herself detached. We talked about Cathy's condition. Do you know she's recently suffered a stroke? Uncle Lou had some troubles with his pacemaker, as well. I promised to keep Aunt Mary up to date each day.
We finally found a phone number for Joan. She actually answered the phone.
She talked and talked, telling me how she love him so and would have taken him back, how she DID take him back!
You can imagine how heartwarming it is to hear someone speak so affectionately about the guy.
She cried and talked, cried and laughed, she told me about a high chair that is still being used in the family, the X-family.
How Tom had bought a ton of equipment for refinishing it and decided he was going to go into business refinishing furniture, just like the bicycle repair business. How suddenly one day, he loaded all the equipment into the car with some his other stuff and simply took off . . .
She mentioned how something your dad, Tom's brother, once told her gave her much encouragement . . . encouragement to endure . . . how he said that every couple of years, Tommy needed to reinvent himself.
She talked about Donald.
How just last year he had gone to Key West in search of 'his dad.' How he finally tracked him down at the VFW and how the people were very cautious, giving him the third degree. It seems to me that Donald was frightened by what he saw, he advised his mom NOT to go down there.
I think she was telling me something like Donald's wife was on the Today Show demonstrating her ability to build a motorcycle . . I had gotten a little distracted so I wasn't fully listening/comprehending. Did you know that uncle Tommy brought home a bunch of motor cycle parts in some crates and gave them to Donald to assemble a motorcycle, just like a puzzle, when he was just a kid? Uncle Tommy had told me about it. I think he mentioned that Joan didn't quite appreciate it . . . But she was confirming the facts of the matter, and it seemed to me that she is quite pleased with this memory.
Joan said she would have taken a trip to Key West to see Tom if Donald hadn't advised her against it. I think Donald's encounter with his Dad may have affected Michael as well. That's when Joan began to tell me about Michael. She didn't quite understand his relationship with his father . . . but, in detail, she described how he looks alot like his dad . . . the shape of his body . . . she said, he actually has a full beard at this time.
Michael is living in an apartment that is attached to the house that Joan is living in, in Virginia Beach with her new husband. Instead of giving me Michael's number, she was going to have Michael call me. But Michael came to her house while we were still speaking and she let me give him the news. I didn't come right out with it, I told him who I was, introduced myself as his first cousin and told him that he could probably imagine why I was calling . . . I actually didn't give him any details, except about how all the people in Key West loved his dad . . . I gave him the phone numbers.
We spoke for some time . . . exchanged e-mail. He is going to call the detective and the medical examiners and then call my mom later in the day. He will respect all of my mother's wishes - to have a mass in Key West and have his ashes buried in Saint Charles Cemetery with his mother and his father, come the spring. Perhaps we'll plan a burial and funeral mass when it's most convenient for everyone, particularly for the family in Colorado.
Jayme and i really loved the guy, he actually made had a major impact on my life.
Although I was sober for some time, I was screwed up about alot of things . . completely uptight and unhappy . . .
He truly helped me to lighten up . . . helped me to see how the Catholic Church did a job on me . . . so subtlety, screwed up my wiring. I was so surprised when he told me that he still suffered from the same screwed up ideologies . . . that's where my head was back then. He was a recovering Catholic.
Other people in my family basically made fun of Uncle Tommy . . . they laugh at his odd behaviors and it hurts. It hurt me. It hurt my mother much much more. We simply don't see the humor, knowing how the guy was actually hurting . . . hurting so terribly deep inside . . .
My mom didn't get home until nearly dinner time yesterday. She had a nice relaxing day, as if she had gone to a daytime spa for a manicure/pedicure. After her al-anon meeting she had a visit with the foot doctor. I wanted her to have a good dinner before she got the news and was taken away by the big wave of emotion. I helped cook the chicken. I cooked it the way Uncle Tommy taught me. He's the only one that ever gave me any cooking lessons. He can wash dishes too. Apparently you have to do these things when you are living for days out at sea.
We had just finished dinner, and she got the phone call from your dad, I wasn't fast enough to reach the phone first.
I think he was taken back that she didn't know already - about Tom's death. Believe it or not, I'm actually afraid of your dad - in some odd way. He's one of those pedestal people. I thought it best that he tell her. It's basically a protocol type of thing, yet it also seemed appropriate that the news should come over the phone. news of Tommy often came via the phone.
She said needed to be alone, with thoughts of missing him.
When she was ready, I helped her go through her phone book.
First we called Aunt Mary and then Uncle Jack.
They simply extended their condolences. I expected that from Aunt Mary, but not Uncle Jack.
I think he's been suffering from many health issues himself lately. He sounds tired.
My mom understands that Mary has a way of keeping herself detached. We talked about Cathy's condition. Do you know she's recently suffered a stroke? Uncle Lou had some troubles with his pacemaker, as well. I promised to keep Aunt Mary up to date each day.
We finally found a phone number for Joan. She actually answered the phone.
She talked and talked, telling me how she love him so and would have taken him back, how she DID take him back!
You can imagine how heartwarming it is to hear someone speak so affectionately about the guy.
She cried and talked, cried and laughed, she told me about a high chair that is still being used in the family, the X-family.
How Tom had bought a ton of equipment for refinishing it and decided he was going to go into business refinishing furniture, just like the bicycle repair business. How suddenly one day, he loaded all the equipment into the car with some his other stuff and simply took off . . .
She mentioned how something your dad, Tom's brother, once told her gave her much encouragement . . . encouragement to endure . . . how he said that every couple of years, Tommy needed to reinvent himself.
She talked about Donald.
How just last year he had gone to Key West in search of 'his dad.' How he finally tracked him down at the VFW and how the people were very cautious, giving him the third degree. It seems to me that Donald was frightened by what he saw, he advised his mom NOT to go down there.
I think she was telling me something like Donald's wife was on the Today Show demonstrating her ability to build a motorcycle . . I had gotten a little distracted so I wasn't fully listening/comprehending. Did you know that uncle Tommy brought home a bunch of motor cycle parts in some crates and gave them to Donald to assemble a motorcycle, just like a puzzle, when he was just a kid? Uncle Tommy had told me about it. I think he mentioned that Joan didn't quite appreciate it . . . But she was confirming the facts of the matter, and it seemed to me that she is quite pleased with this memory.
Joan said she would have taken a trip to Key West to see Tom if Donald hadn't advised her against it. I think Donald's encounter with his Dad may have affected Michael as well. That's when Joan began to tell me about Michael. She didn't quite understand his relationship with his father . . . but, in detail, she described how he looks alot like his dad . . . the shape of his body . . . she said, he actually has a full beard at this time.
Michael is living in an apartment that is attached to the house that Joan is living in, in Virginia Beach with her new husband. Instead of giving me Michael's number, she was going to have Michael call me. But Michael came to her house while we were still speaking and she let me give him the news. I didn't come right out with it, I told him who I was, introduced myself as his first cousin and told him that he could probably imagine why I was calling . . . I actually didn't give him any details, except about how all the people in Key West loved his dad . . . I gave him the phone numbers.
We spoke for some time . . . exchanged e-mail. He is going to call the detective and the medical examiners and then call my mom later in the day. He will respect all of my mother's wishes - to have a mass in Key West and have his ashes buried in Saint Charles Cemetery with his mother and his father, come the spring. Perhaps we'll plan a burial and funeral mass when it's most convenient for everyone, particularly for the family in Colorado.
Jayme's Shawna Cat
She was one or two years older than he. He never
abused her but had she been any other, she would not
have tolerated him. Yet, she craved affection and he
provided. Often, with his arm wrapped under her belly
with legs dangling, he'd carry her off to his
room. He held her captive in his bed. She cried to
be released, but he'd stoke her body, coaxing it to
settle in. He'd talk to her, reassure her the while.
And finally, she would succomb.
Countless hours, they spent like this. If he didn't
drag her off to his bed, he was dragging her off to
the couch. Oftentimes you would find them asleep
together, in the bed, on the couch, on the floor.
They truly loved each other.
For years they had traveled in the car together. She
cried mercilessly and he would perform his majic on
her. Talking endlessly to her, petting her,
reassuring her.
Once, when he was a baby, not yet one year old, across
the room I saw him on the floor and he was gasping.
It sounded like cries for help. With all four paws
atop his blondeness, the cat was kicking his head with
her hind legs. Her front paws had been declawed but I
knew those back claws were sharp.
Instantly, I ran to his rescue only discover that he
was laughing. Clearly the cat and the child were
involved in some form of play.
They carried on like this for 13 years until we left
for Japan. We had to leave several pets behind.
Grandma buried Mrs. Jingles, the pet mouse, the first
year. The second year, Sam, the neighbor's cat that
had come to live with us.
Grandma called us during the school day to advise us
of these deaths. "Why me?" Jayme would ask. "Why
does everything bad happen to me?" And then the
inevitable, "Why did we have to come to Japan?"
This time, things are so very different.
Jayme was finishing up the last school year in Japan.
He was enjoying the festivities and some sudden new
friendships. Grandma had sense not to cast a shadow
over any of it. Shawna's bowls, full of food and water
continued to be set out. Since Memorial day weekend,
people would assume the cat was outside. Grandma had
waited for Jayme's return.
I called to see if he and his X-Box arrived safely.
Jayme answered the phone. They were on their way to
Crickets, our favorite restaurant. Just before he left
Japan yesterday, he was wondering if he should have
the hamburger or the steak. But he was unusually quiet
now.
We were both comfortable with the silence, but I was
concerned. I fear for the boy's happiness, always. I
have not been a role model for happiness throughout
his life. He was such a playful and happy child but
I'd been prone to episodes of melancholy.
"I don't have much to say," he said. Then, after
another but brief pause, he told me.
We continued to hold the phone in silence. He
answered my few questions. Apparently, she died in
her sleep. Grandma told him before they'd entered the
house. She'd waited since Memorial Day to break the
news. He let me cry. Once again, we held the line in
silence. "Do you want to talk to Grandma?" he asked
me. "I can't talk right now," I replied, and we said
our goodbyes.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006 6:15 PM, Library Girl wrote: This is a heart-warming story with a hint (hints at) coming of age.
SUBJECTS
Pet owners -- Psychology.
Pets -- Death -- Psychological aspects.
Bereavement -- Psychological aspects.
Grief.
abused her but had she been any other, she would not
have tolerated him. Yet, she craved affection and he
provided. Often, with his arm wrapped under her belly
with legs dangling, he'd carry her off to his
room. He held her captive in his bed. She cried to
be released, but he'd stoke her body, coaxing it to
settle in. He'd talk to her, reassure her the while.
And finally, she would succomb.
Countless hours, they spent like this. If he didn't
drag her off to his bed, he was dragging her off to
the couch. Oftentimes you would find them asleep
together, in the bed, on the couch, on the floor.
They truly loved each other.
For years they had traveled in the car together. She
cried mercilessly and he would perform his majic on
her. Talking endlessly to her, petting her,
reassuring her.
Once, when he was a baby, not yet one year old, across
the room I saw him on the floor and he was gasping.
It sounded like cries for help. With all four paws
atop his blondeness, the cat was kicking his head with
her hind legs. Her front paws had been declawed but I
knew those back claws were sharp.
Instantly, I ran to his rescue only discover that he
was laughing. Clearly the cat and the child were
involved in some form of play.
They carried on like this for 13 years until we left
for Japan. We had to leave several pets behind.
Grandma buried Mrs. Jingles, the pet mouse, the first
year. The second year, Sam, the neighbor's cat that
had come to live with us.
Grandma called us during the school day to advise us
of these deaths. "Why me?" Jayme would ask. "Why
does everything bad happen to me?" And then the
inevitable, "Why did we have to come to Japan?"
This time, things are so very different.
Jayme was finishing up the last school year in Japan.
He was enjoying the festivities and some sudden new
friendships. Grandma had sense not to cast a shadow
over any of it. Shawna's bowls, full of food and water
continued to be set out. Since Memorial day weekend,
people would assume the cat was outside. Grandma had
waited for Jayme's return.
I called to see if he and his X-Box arrived safely.
Jayme answered the phone. They were on their way to
Crickets, our favorite restaurant. Just before he left
Japan yesterday, he was wondering if he should have
the hamburger or the steak. But he was unusually quiet
now.
We were both comfortable with the silence, but I was
concerned. I fear for the boy's happiness, always. I
have not been a role model for happiness throughout
his life. He was such a playful and happy child but
I'd been prone to episodes of melancholy.
"I don't have much to say," he said. Then, after
another but brief pause, he told me.
We continued to hold the phone in silence. He
answered my few questions. Apparently, she died in
her sleep. Grandma told him before they'd entered the
house. She'd waited since Memorial Day to break the
news. He let me cry. Once again, we held the line in
silence. "Do you want to talk to Grandma?" he asked
me. "I can't talk right now," I replied, and we said
our goodbyes.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006 6:15 PM, Library Girl wrote: This is a heart-warming story with a hint (hints at) coming of age.
SUBJECTS
Pet owners -- Psychology.
Pets -- Death -- Psychological aspects.
Bereavement -- Psychological aspects.
Grief.
Coping : The Grief of Death
DEWEY
155.937
SUBJECTS
Death -- Psychological aspects.
Post-traumatic stress disorder in children -- Prevention.
Psychological debriefing.
Bereavement -- Psychological aspects.
Grief.
Loss (Psychology).
Self-actualization (Psychology)
Life change events -- Psychological aspects.
FURTHER READING
The scared child : helping kids overcome traumatic events / Barbara Brooks and Paula M. Siegel
Welcome to your crisis : how to use the power of crisis to create the life you want / Laura Day.
155.937
SUBJECTS
Death -- Psychological aspects.
Post-traumatic stress disorder in children -- Prevention.
Psychological debriefing.
Bereavement -- Psychological aspects.
Grief.
Loss (Psychology).
Self-actualization (Psychology)
Life change events -- Psychological aspects.
FURTHER READING
The scared child : helping kids overcome traumatic events / Barbara Brooks and Paula M. Siegel
Welcome to your crisis : how to use the power of crisis to create the life you want / Laura Day.
Jack Keller : Our Good Dog Jack
DEWEY
Pet owners -- Psychology.
Pets -- Death -- Psychological aspects.
Bereavement -- Psychological aspects.
Grief.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007 12:59 AM
Library Girl
THE KILLING
Chapter 1
All of us feel so much guilt but you know - there is/was nothing anyone can do. I was about to take the kids to 7-11 and the dog pushed his way out the door and ran across idlehour boulevard to the big white pillar that stands on the corner to sniff and leave his mark. The kids and I were getting into the car. As soon as he spotted us (i knew that as soon as we open the car doors he'd want to come with us) he dashed back across the street . . . I heard the thump - immediately Maggie, the kindergarterner SCREAMED. Shane took off into the house to get his Dad. It was all just one hour before they were supposed to go to the airport to pick up their mom, my best friend, Kathleen.
I grabbed the lifeless dog out of the middle of the street. There seemed to be cars coming from every direction. I just couldn't let him get run over. I got blood all over me and had to lay him down on the side of the lawn. I just don't remember anything after that . . . I rushed toward the house to wash my hands? Was Holly still in the backseat of my car? Did the stranger get Holly (the three year old) out of the car? The next memory I have is Maggie was wailing, her dad was carrying her. On the front porch, the stranger was holding Holly. Holly needed me but she wouldn't come to me because I had blood all over me . . . . I had left the dog out there . . . he was going to die . . . I hate myself that I didn't stay with him as he passed . . . .
I stayed inside with the girls and Maggie just wailed and wailed. Shane had locked himself in the bathroom. The stranger and her daughter were in the house, having a tour of the renovations. Her condolences not genuine, in fact they were condescending. Maggie buried herself in the pillows. The entire time we thought that Pat was burying the dog so we could visit his grave . . . . . . .
BEFORE THE TRUTH
Chapter 2
Instead of burying the dog . . . . the men actually disposed of Jack !!! I feel so horrible about that.
My best friend thinks they buried him in a deep hole !!!!!!! She was concerned that he was lonely and cold in the night. I can't tell her the truth !!!! I wish I stayed with the dog myself and took better care of him. Many people hated the dog but we (few of us) really really loved him. He deserves a proper burial.
Everyone needs to go through their own mourning . . work out their own feelings . . . . everyone has different reactions . . . guilt anger . . . ideas about heaven . . . Maggie asked me if Jack would go to heaven . . . . I told her that I don't think he will go to heaven and that she will have to talk to her mom about it . . . these kids were completely precious . . . they said some of the most thoughtful things, I wrote some of them down so that i could tell Kathleen everything tomorrow . . . .
Kathleen was SOOOOOO upset . . . so incredibly upset . . . she was thanking her brother for taking care of the dog . . .asking him if the hole was very deep. . . . she was so sad that the dog was going to be "cold" outside all night. Everynight, he had slept in the bed !!!!! She was so upset that she wasn't home (guilty) that she could have protected him . . . .
I LOVED that dog so much !!!!!! I brought him to my house - he LOVED icecream . . . I gave him icecream sometimes . . . today he wanted icecream and I didn't give him any !!!!!! But it's okay . . . . I'm not letting myself feel guilty or anything . . . the dog knew that I loved him . . . . it all just happened so damn quick . . . .
It could have been one of the kids !!!! That's actually what Randy and Pat thought when they heard the scream !!!!
BRING MY DOG HOME
Chapter 3
AN EMAIL TO JAPAN
Chapter 4
do you know that I was very fond of kathleen's dog named jack. today he got hit by a car. Maggie saw it happen. Maggie SCREAMED and SCREAMED. She wailed. She cried. She said so many things. She is so precious. Holly just watch everything. Holly fell asleep and then later she woke up and said many precious things to me. Jack was like a brother to Shane. Shane was very upset, he locked himself in the bathroom for a little while.
i pick jack up off the road and get his blood all over me. I had to get him off the street. His body was shaking. I put him on the grass and then I go and stay with the kids. Randy and Kathleen's brother SAID that they bury Jack in the garden . . . .
Both Maggie and Shane very upset. Holly just watching. Maggie and Shane can compose themselves . . . strangers came into the house and they stop crying !!
Randy went to the airport to pick up kathleen and rachel.
That when I learn that Randy and Kathleen brother DID NOT bury Jack. They actually just throw him away in some garbage somewhere !!!!!!!!
kathleen thinking they bury the dog. Kathleen worry that Jack is cold outside !!!! She thank her brother for burying jack in the garden !!!!!!!!!
HOW can I tell the truth ?????? There was nothing I could do. I was busy worry about the kids. Maybe I should have let Randy take care of the kids and I should have take care of Jack !!!! I loved that little dog. We know that so many people DIDN"T like Jack. Kathleen brother HATED Jack. He was NOT the person that should have taken care of Jack's body !!!!! Kathleen will be so upset if she find out !!!!
We all cried together. Me, kathleen and the kids . . . but Randy and Kathleen's brother did not. Kathleen's father and her brother hated the dog. They were starting to get mean to the dog. They would not be so mean when Kathleen was there but this weekend they were getting so mean to him. Oh, I loved that dog. I wish I could have saved him !!!!!!
I try to think differently. It's okay. he had a very good life. he was loved by the best - maggie and shane and kathleen, me and jayme - even HOLLY !!!!
Holly told me that sometimes she hated jack - I said, many people hated Jack but I always loved him and Holly said - "me too." She actually really loved him !!!!!
I hope tomorrow, Kathleen will come here and we can walk. It will be very sad without Jack.
ANNIE PUT JACK IN THE CONER
Chapter 5
ANNIE WHY DID YOU KILL JACK?
Chapter 6
Pet owners -- Psychology.
Pets -- Death -- Psychological aspects.
Bereavement -- Psychological aspects.
Grief.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007 12:59 AM
Library Girl
THE KILLING
Chapter 1
All of us feel so much guilt but you know - there is/was nothing anyone can do. I was about to take the kids to 7-11 and the dog pushed his way out the door and ran across idlehour boulevard to the big white pillar that stands on the corner to sniff and leave his mark. The kids and I were getting into the car. As soon as he spotted us (i knew that as soon as we open the car doors he'd want to come with us) he dashed back across the street . . . I heard the thump - immediately Maggie, the kindergarterner SCREAMED. Shane took off into the house to get his Dad. It was all just one hour before they were supposed to go to the airport to pick up their mom, my best friend, Kathleen.
I grabbed the lifeless dog out of the middle of the street. There seemed to be cars coming from every direction. I just couldn't let him get run over. I got blood all over me and had to lay him down on the side of the lawn. I just don't remember anything after that . . . I rushed toward the house to wash my hands? Was Holly still in the backseat of my car? Did the stranger get Holly (the three year old) out of the car? The next memory I have is Maggie was wailing, her dad was carrying her. On the front porch, the stranger was holding Holly. Holly needed me but she wouldn't come to me because I had blood all over me . . . . I had left the dog out there . . . he was going to die . . . I hate myself that I didn't stay with him as he passed . . . .
I stayed inside with the girls and Maggie just wailed and wailed. Shane had locked himself in the bathroom. The stranger and her daughter were in the house, having a tour of the renovations. Her condolences not genuine, in fact they were condescending. Maggie buried herself in the pillows. The entire time we thought that Pat was burying the dog so we could visit his grave . . . . . . .
BEFORE THE TRUTH
Chapter 2
Instead of burying the dog . . . . the men actually disposed of Jack !!! I feel so horrible about that.
My best friend thinks they buried him in a deep hole !!!!!!! She was concerned that he was lonely and cold in the night. I can't tell her the truth !!!! I wish I stayed with the dog myself and took better care of him. Many people hated the dog but we (few of us) really really loved him. He deserves a proper burial.
Everyone needs to go through their own mourning . . work out their own feelings . . . . everyone has different reactions . . . guilt anger . . . ideas about heaven . . . Maggie asked me if Jack would go to heaven . . . . I told her that I don't think he will go to heaven and that she will have to talk to her mom about it . . . these kids were completely precious . . . they said some of the most thoughtful things, I wrote some of them down so that i could tell Kathleen everything tomorrow . . . .
Kathleen was SOOOOOO upset . . . so incredibly upset . . . she was thanking her brother for taking care of the dog . . .asking him if the hole was very deep. . . . she was so sad that the dog was going to be "cold" outside all night. Everynight, he had slept in the bed !!!!! She was so upset that she wasn't home (guilty) that she could have protected him . . . .
I LOVED that dog so much !!!!!! I brought him to my house - he LOVED icecream . . . I gave him icecream sometimes . . . today he wanted icecream and I didn't give him any !!!!!! But it's okay . . . . I'm not letting myself feel guilty or anything . . . the dog knew that I loved him . . . . it all just happened so damn quick . . . .
It could have been one of the kids !!!! That's actually what Randy and Pat thought when they heard the scream !!!!
BRING MY DOG HOME
Chapter 3
AN EMAIL TO JAPAN
Chapter 4
do you know that I was very fond of kathleen's dog named jack. today he got hit by a car. Maggie saw it happen. Maggie SCREAMED and SCREAMED. She wailed. She cried. She said so many things. She is so precious. Holly just watch everything. Holly fell asleep and then later she woke up and said many precious things to me. Jack was like a brother to Shane. Shane was very upset, he locked himself in the bathroom for a little while.
i pick jack up off the road and get his blood all over me. I had to get him off the street. His body was shaking. I put him on the grass and then I go and stay with the kids. Randy and Kathleen's brother SAID that they bury Jack in the garden . . . .
Both Maggie and Shane very upset. Holly just watching. Maggie and Shane can compose themselves . . . strangers came into the house and they stop crying !!
Randy went to the airport to pick up kathleen and rachel.
That when I learn that Randy and Kathleen brother DID NOT bury Jack. They actually just throw him away in some garbage somewhere !!!!!!!!
kathleen thinking they bury the dog. Kathleen worry that Jack is cold outside !!!! She thank her brother for burying jack in the garden !!!!!!!!!
HOW can I tell the truth ?????? There was nothing I could do. I was busy worry about the kids. Maybe I should have let Randy take care of the kids and I should have take care of Jack !!!! I loved that little dog. We know that so many people DIDN"T like Jack. Kathleen brother HATED Jack. He was NOT the person that should have taken care of Jack's body !!!!! Kathleen will be so upset if she find out !!!!
We all cried together. Me, kathleen and the kids . . . but Randy and Kathleen's brother did not. Kathleen's father and her brother hated the dog. They were starting to get mean to the dog. They would not be so mean when Kathleen was there but this weekend they were getting so mean to him. Oh, I loved that dog. I wish I could have saved him !!!!!!
I try to think differently. It's okay. he had a very good life. he was loved by the best - maggie and shane and kathleen, me and jayme - even HOLLY !!!!
Holly told me that sometimes she hated jack - I said, many people hated Jack but I always loved him and Holly said - "me too." She actually really loved him !!!!!
I hope tomorrow, Kathleen will come here and we can walk. It will be very sad without Jack.
ANNIE PUT JACK IN THE CONER
Chapter 5
ANNIE WHY DID YOU KILL JACK?
Chapter 6
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